


Freedom

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Episode: s01e31 Keep Beach City Weird, Ficlet, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 15:27:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16726011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: "It's Steven Tag!" Amethyst explains. "Steven tagged you, now you have to turn into Steven!""It's the rules," Garnet adds.Something inside Pearl's Gemstone lurches.Pearl's negotiations with agency happen at the most inconspicuous moments.





	Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> I guess, at the moment, I'm really interested in Pearl c. season 1. A lot more about her makes sense, given what we know now, and I'm finding it really interesting to explore.
> 
> Also, this whole "Steven Tag" thing takes place at the beginning of _Keep Beach City Weird_.

In the half-instant between confusion and settling into disdain, Pearl lets herself consider.

Amethyst explains, "It’s Steven Tag! Steven tagged you…"

Perhaps she'll play this time. And why not? These games are innocent enough, and even respectable if Garnet is playing. (In the years since Rose, that has frequently been her benchmark—what Garnet deems appropriate to engage in.) And it’s true that on Homeworld, a Pearl would never engage in such trivial and rambunctious leisure activities—would never, for that matter, engage in leisure activities at all—but this isn’t Homeworld, and, Pearl reminds herself, she belongs to nobody, she’s free, just like Pink wanted…

Amethyst continues: "…now you have to turn into Steven!"

Something inside Pearl’s Gemstone lurches. 

_You just have to turn into Rose Quartz, jab me with the sword, and then we’ll be done! It’s going to be easy!_

She hasn’t shapeshifted since that night in the Palanquin, five thousand years ago. She _can't_. And, generally, it’s easy to pass off her distaste for it as haughtiness. But _this_ is categorically different, it’s too similar, to transform into _Steven_ , another one of _her_ forms…again…when last time, she’d had to...Pink...and then, all that Corruption... _her_ fault...

(She hadn’t _wanted_ to.)

(But her Diamond had wanted it, and she’d wanted her Diamond to be happy, and so she convinced herself…she’d _always_ convinced herself…Her Diamond had wanted it, and so really Pearl _did_ want it. She _did_. She'd wanted freedom, and it had been the only way. Rose— _Pink_ had said so...And, anyway, once Pink made up her mind, there had been no choice.)

Here, now, Garnet adds on to Amethyst’s order: "It’s the rules." 

The rules. ( _This is very not allowed._ ) She doesn’t _want_ to. Not again…

She’s _free_ , she reminds herself. She doesn't have to. Free, free, _free_ …

(What is freedom?)

(In this moment, Amethyst and Garnet, with their orders and their rules, only _look_ like Steven. If Steven himself had asked, with his rosy pink Gemstone, would she be able to refuse?)

But he didn't ask. So Pearl's decisions, her actions—they're all her own. She finds that she can roll her eyes, mutter dismissively: “Oh, please.”

To the others, she's sure, she looks like what humans call a buzzkill. Haughty. Neurotic. No fun. But she'll take it. This refusal—sometimes it's what autonomy looks like.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I love comments!


End file.
